Sex as a new mom
- Is it even possible?
With mother’s day on the 12th of May I thought it would be appropriate to talk about the sexual aspects of motherhood.
So, before kids you got your sexy on without problems. Now as a new mom you are sleep deprived, your breasts are two massive milk jugs, your vagina feels like the dry Zahara desert and when you think sex there is just nothing positive that comes to mind. Are you normal? YES!! Your sexual function will change as you go through each chapter of your life. A famous sex therapist in Australia once said that the number one reason for low libido amoungst women is having kids younger than 4 years old in the house. And I can’t agree more.
Sex is a fine balance between excitement and inhibitions. Imagine a see saw… on the one side we have sexual excitement and on the other sexual inhibitons. If excitement is enough it will block inhibitions but if there are a lot of inhibiting factors it will block excitement.
Let’s go through everything that can cause sexual problems being a mom.
Hormonal changes
Your hormones go through major changes after pregnancy. Your estrogen as well as your testosterone drops drastically. This can result is poor sexual arousa and low libidol. Women’s libido is a responsive desire, in response to arousal. So if you are not getting turned on you will not have the desire to have sex. One way around this is to really take your time with foreplay, the more stimulation the more aroused you will get.
Vaginal Dryness
Without hormones your body will have a hard time responding to sexual stimulation resulting in vaginal dryness. Poor lubrication can cause severe discomfort during sex. This is a good time to stock up on buckets full of lube.
Painful Sex
If you have pain with penetration don’t wait for it to get better, talk to one of our doctors ASAP. It becomes a vicious cycle, once sex is painful the muscles around the vagina will tense up making the pain worse. We have treated hundreds of patients with great success, you are not alone.
Sleep deprivation
So you just got the kids in bed, the dishes are washed and you are exhausted! Your partner approaches you with that lustful look in his eyes. You feel flattered but SERIOUSLY! Can’t he understand just how tired you are! Yes you will have a lot of sleepless nights as a mommy and sleep might sound better than having sex but planning is the key. Planned sex is better than no sex. Set out some time for each other, being intimate is a very important part of a relationship.
Children in the house
Having small kids just outside your bedroom can be a major passion killer. But again, planning is crucial. Get a babysitter to look after the kids for a few hours so that you and your partner can have some quality time. Or work in a quickie while they watch their favorite TV program. Teach your children that mom and dad needs time alone so that you can have some privacy, obviously the kids need to be a bit older to understand that.
Yes, your sex life will change as a mom, but it is just a phase. You can still be sexual if you remember the following keys:
- Your sexual function will go through different chapters
- Get lube
- Take your time with foreplay
- Plan sex and make time for each other
Happy Mother’s Day mommies!